


Cannot Compete With You

by Anetka



Category: Jolene (Song) - Dolly Parton
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Arospec character, F/F, Jolene is hella gay ya'll, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, POV First Person, Pining, Pre-Femslash, Pre-Relationship, b/c that's how the song is, because cellphones, grayromantic Narrator, lesbian Jolene, oblivious Narrator is oblivious, oblivious narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 03:39:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15039890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anetka/pseuds/Anetka
Summary: She was magnetic.





	Cannot Compete With You

She was magnetic.

Even in the awful yellow glare of the diner's fluorescent lights Jolene was undeniably stunning. Her pale skin glowed and her hair shone like flames, eyes sparkling as she relayed her order to the waitress.

The corner of her mouth quirked as our eyes met. My hands clenched around my mug as my gaze dropped to its contents. I took a sip of the tea, closing my eyes, pretending she hadn't just caught me staring at her. Ignoring the almost conspiratorial look she had given me in return.

"So," Jolene said when the waitress had ambled away. "I was surprised to get your call."

I drummed my fingers against the sides of my mug. Shame twisted my gut.

"Yeah. I-um, I'm sorry about that. I just didn't know how else to get in touch with you."

I hadn't meant to call her from his phone.

But when everything imploded last night my first thought had been that I had to get to her first. That I had to make her see that they didn't belong together. I just needed a way to contact her, something I had previously avoided before.

I hadn't realized I'd hit "call" until I heard her voice in the quiet of the empty bedroom, soft like summer rain. _"Hello?"_

"It's no big deal." Jolene shrugged, then held out a hand. "Here, I can give you my number so you don't have to borrow your boyfriend's phone next time."

The next moment I found myself handing my phone over, and watching her tap away at the keys. If that hadn't felt surreal enough, she then held the phone up, giving a wide, breathtaking smile as she snapped a selfie.

I felt suddenly, inexplicably embarrassed as she handed the phone back.

The waitress reappeared with her coffee. I mechanically slid the phone back into my pocket as she took a sip.

"Ex-boyfriend." My voice sounded odd in my ears. "We broke up last night." 

My throat felt dry. I drained the rest of my tea, kept my hands wrapped around the empty mug, imagined I could still feel the ghost of its warmth.

"You did?" 

Her voice sounded almost breathless.

My heart squeezed and my stomach flipped. I had let myself hope the attraction was one-sided.

"I'm sorry." Jolene reached across the table, hand hesitating before coming to rest on one of my own.

As much as I knew I should want to distance myself from her-from this beautiful, perfect woman who was probably going to take everything from me-I didn't. Her hand was soft and warm on mine, and I didn't want her to let go.

"It's not-It's my own fault," I whispered. I was the one who had become complacent, who hadn't put forth the effort.

I could get it back, though. It just depended on Jolene. I felt her fingers stroke the back of my hand.

"You don't know what he means to me, Jolene."

"You could tell me," she said gently. After a moment she gave a little smile. "That's what friends are for, right?"

"Right," I said, voice shaking, ignoring the way my heart sank when she'd said "friends." I took a steadying breath.

"He's the only one for me. I'm not trying to be dramatic. I just- Everyone seems to fall in love so easily, so often, but I've only felt this way with him. He was the only..."

Jolene's voice sounded carefully neutral as she asked, "Was?"

_Oh no._

I'd forgotten who I was talking to. No. I'd forgotten why I was talking to her. I wasn't here to confide in a friend, if that was even what we were now.

"Could we...walk? Or something?" The sparsely occupied diner suddenly felt like a bad idea, like no matter how quietly I spoke the words would echo throughout the room.

"Sure thing." Jolene signaled the waitress and we paid for our drinks-hers still mostly full-in silence.

Jolene wound her scarf round her neck as I pulled on my gloves, plucking at and fidgeting with the fingers. The weather was turning chilly, and a brisk wind stole my breath when I opened the door.

We walked past a few tiny storefronts in silence. It was late enough that most people had abandoned the streets of the small town in favor of somewhere warmer. A chill breeze swept down the sidewalk, swirling leaves into the air. I steeled myself.

"We haven't been in a great place for a while," I admitted. I thought back, tried to remember when I had last felt that warmth, that love. It had been... "A long while."

Jolene's shoulder gently bumped mine. It was oddly comforting.

"I would never have guessed. You seemed so...smitten." Jolene sounded genuinely perplexed.

At least my performance had fooled somebody, I thought.

"I was trying to fix what I broke," I admitted. "We were in love but I messed it all up. And now we're not."

An old truck with a rusted muffler caught a red light nearby, drowning out the possibility of conversation until the light changed. I pressed my lips together and waited. A few more vehicles passed, chugging slowly down Main Street.

"I'm not sure what you're saying," Jolene eventually said, tone neutral. "How did you mess it up?"

I swallowed past the lump in my throat.

"I fell out of love."

"Sometimes people fall out of love," Jolene pointed out quietly. "It doesn't necessarily mean anyone did anything wrong."

I shook my head. I had had one chance and I had thrown it away.

"I knew I could never love again but I let myself fall out of love. And now.." I trailed off.

A gentle squeeze to my gloved hand. Then, loosely gripped, our hands swung slowly together.

"I'm sorry you're going through this. Would it be too weird if I said I'm glad you felt like you could talk to me?" Jolene gave me another small smile and my feet dragged to a stop.

"You're beautiful," I blurted. Jolene's eyes widened. "I mean, the way your hair shines in the sun and the way your eyes light up when you smile-I-"  
Jolene's cheeks, already pink from the cold, were well on their way to red. God, I was embarrassing her.

"I wanted to talk to you, to ask you-it's just-I know he's attracted to you, so every time I see you I think of you and him together and it-it hurts. I know it's selfish to want to keep you apart when I don't even love him anymore but I can't help it." I was panting, out of breath by the end of my tirade.

Jolene stood as if frozen. Her voice when she finally spoke sounded strange, empty of its usual chime.

"What?"

Her hand was gone from mine. 

"It's just, you are so far out of my league," I tried to explain, desperate. "I can't compete. Look at you!"

Jolene raised a hand in a "stop" gesture.

"You think I'd...take him?" she said, stringing the words together slowly, as if they didn't make sense in that order.

"I think you _could_ ," I clarified quickly. I felt panicky at the thought that I had offended her. "I mean, you could have your choice of men-"

Her voice cut over my rambling.

"What makes you think I'd want one?"

It was my turn to gape.

"You. What?" The defiant tilt of her jaw put to rest any doubt I had as to what she had meant. "But you-"

I thought back, remembering all the times I had caught her looking, eyes flicking away to avoid mine.

"You were always looking at him?" I finished uncertainly. Surely I hadn't imagined that.

The proud tilt lessened a fraction.

"I wasn't looking at _him_ ," she said quietly. 

The wind gusted again, stinging my eyes. Jolene raked a trembling hand through her hair.

"I knew that I didn't have a chance." She smiled, but it was a small, sad thing. "I just wanted to be around you. Even if you never looked at me like that."

I scrambled, trying to make sense of my scattered thoughts.

"You called us friends," was what came out.

"I want us to be." Jolene finally looked at me. "If that's okay? I understand if...if this changes things."

I thought about the beautiful person in front of me, how she had occupied my thoughts for months. How convinced I had been, and how wrong I had turned out to be. About possibilities that had never occurred to me.

"I think I need some time to sort some stuff out," I said slowly."And I haven't been a very good friend, so I'd rather not go back to how we were. Do you think we could start over instead?"

Jolene's smile was smaller this time, but so bright and full of hope my chest ached with it. 

_Oh. Oh, wow._

The streetlight above us flickered to life, jarring me out the moment. I shot an annoyed look upward.

Jolene huffed a laugh.

"I guess it's getting pretty late," she said.

"Yeah," I agreed regretfully. "I parked in the diner's lot."

"Me, too."

"Oh."

That made sense. So-

"Um, can I walk you to your car?" I asked, feeling very young and embarrassed but also excited and nervous.

Jolene's smile was uncharacteristically shy.

"I'd like that."


End file.
